Dragon Slayers of Nenlast
Quotes from The Second Seal
Encounter 1: En Route
Slash: The Silver Unicorn provides you with rooms free of charge.
Josh: Our favorite kind of rooms!
Slash: So you go to sleep for the night.
Matt: In whose room?
Joan: Don’t look at me; there are flames involved!
Sara: You find Arquera outside doing target practice. “Flame arrow! Awesome! I guess I should explain that I had a dream about my quiver last night.”
Matt: “Now it’s a flaming quiver?”
Josh: “Oh, my!”
Patrick: Muckenfuss is eating his cereal or whatever….
Slash: He’s eating Cocoa Puffs.
Patrick: And he says, “If we don’t do this, everyone’s going to die. The Raven Queen’s happy, but everyone’s dead.”
Joan: “I concur.”
Josh: “You two sure know how to perk up a morning.”
Robyn: “Not before coffee, Muckenfuss.”
Josh: “Every time!” He points to people around the bar. “Next week. Five years from now.” “Muckenfuss, come on!”
Slash: “Hiking accident.”
Josh: “Filth fever.”
Slash: “Intense love-making.”
Slash: “Your travels have taken you quite far.”
Matt: “They have.”
Patrick: My speed is only four.
Slash: “The weapon of your ancient ancestor, Dolghtrasir’s Longspear, has gone missing from the clan hall. They’re offering a substantial reward from the family treasury for its safe return.”
Matt: “Wow, I guess we should go then.”
Sara: “What does this have to do with the seals?”
Matt: “What seals?”
Josh: “There are six other seals to go; I’m sure it will be okay.”
Patrick: About every 15 or 20 minutes, I shake the orb.
Slash: “Quit it! I have nothin’ else t’ say!”
Josh: “Let us know when you find out something.”
Slash: “Will do.”
Patrick: Muckenfuss takes out the orb. “Anything yet?”
Matt: [ reading a description of the longspear artifact ] “The artifact was put in a place of prominence in the Bonebreaker clan hall.” Next to the door in the umbrella stand.
Slash: This will be Cogsworth, because it’s the most metal mini I have. And by metal, I mean plate mail, not metal
Matt: I forgot to mention that Cogsworth was once a member of Iron Maiden.
Josh: We’re getting the lowdown on what’s happened in Hammerfast since we left.
Matt: “She married him?”
Josh: “Oh, Dolg, she was way out of your league anyway, buddy.”
Slash: We’ll assume Grundelmar was able to successfully perform a Remove Affliction ritual to remove your moon frenzy.
Matt: He concocts a potion that you have to take.
Robyn: “This tastes like dwarf piss!”
Slash: “That means it’s working!”
Josh: “Ask Grundelmar who these guys are!”
Patrick: [ shake shake shake shake shake shake shake ]
Patrick: Can you turn the music down a notch?
Slash: [ presses volume down once, to no apparent effect ]
Slash: I did; that was one notch. Do you want more notches?
Josh: [ after a series of bad rolls by me ] I touched all his dice while he was upstairs.
Matt: We’ve secretly replaced all his 20s with 1s; will he notice?
Slash: [ rolls ] What the frak? My last five rolls were 1, 3, 1, 3, and 1!
Josh: [ to Loni ] “My master finds you very attractive; I can tell by his pheromone output.”
Patrick: Plus, he has two of your undergarments in his luggage.
Josh: “Brother!” [ makes a high five gesture ]
Slash: Up high! Says the goliath to the dwarf.
Patrick: Meanwhile, Muckenfuss is holding the orb like paparazzi, jittering it periodically, lots of whipping around the camera angle.
Slash: You hear the sounds of a dwarf with motion sickness through the orb.
Patrick: Dawn’s Blazing Fingers
Matt: I’ve got to meet this “Dawn”.
Patrick: Knives of the Soul. “I need to hand the orb off to somebody so I can open my robe to do it.”
Josh: “Muckenfuss, nobody’s holding your orb.”
Josh: Cogsworth turns away from Muckenfuss and says, “Well, that was unpleasant.”
Matt: [ rolling 3d10 for damage ] Nine hundred sixty-two.
Slash: You don’t get to concatenate the numbers; you have to add them!
Slash: That was from your Resplendent Circlet?
Josh: He sets it at a jaunty angle.
Matt: We won’t even mention my Resplendent Boots.
Slash: Are they made for walkin’?
Josh: With tassels.
Josh: I’m sure Dolgthrasir would say, “Come with me to the Bonebreaker clan hall; we’ll show you dwarven hospitality like you’ve never seen!”
Sara: “Well, I’ve never seen dwarven hospitality, so….”
Patrick: “It is a rare sight.”
Patrick: “Do you have a community pool?”
Josh: “Muckenfuss?? No, and just stop!”
Sara: “Do you think anyone at Bonebreaker hall will be having dinner?”
Matt: “Oh, no, they’d be done by now. Dad likes to be done by 4:30.”
Slash: Usually at Ye Olde Denny’s down the street.
Josh: Happy hour is from 5 until midnight.
Slash: Then it picks up again at 6am, until 4:30pm.
Slash: You come to a large door. After unlocking its multitude of locks and opening it, you look beyond to a vast, empty room, holding but one pedestal.
Sara: And Qatana’s in there waving, “Hi guys!”
Matt: Who discovered it missing?
Slash: One of your relatives that stays in the clan hall.
Josh: Bob Bonebreaker.
Matt: As long as it wasn’t Gene.
Slash: It was Arrim Bonebreaker.
Josh: Oh, he sounds trustworthy. Or she.
Josh: “This seems like a dead-end.”
Matt: “That would be home.”
Josh: “This is why we left.”
Patrick: I raise Grundelmar on the orb.
Slash: [ irritated ] “What do you want?”
Patrick: “Shut up and listen! Put your thinking cap on…. That hat looks silly.”
Patrick: “Do you think it left on its own to find a worthy wielder?”
Slash: “That’s very possible. ‘Cause the Bonebreakers ain’t.”
[ after an extended rest ]
Patrick: I say, “Everybody dies. It’s bad.”
Slash: This night goes without any disturbing occurrences.
Matt: Other than what normally happens in Muckenfuss’s room.
Josh: [ rolling a crit history check on a drow ] I know everything there is to know about Shivra! “I think drow are kinda cute.”
Patrick: “Which authorities have it? Where is it? Where are they keeping it?”
Josh: What size underwear do you wear?
Sara: Boxers or briefs?
Matt: Would you answer any of my questions if I stop asking them?
Sara: “Do you have any books on Vilanisal and the Feywild?”
Slash: “What’s it to ya?”
Sara: “This is a library, isn’t it?”
Slash: “Yeah, it’s a dwarf library.”
Josh: “It’s not a lending library!”
Sara: “I’m a guest of the Bonebreakers!”
Slash: “Then, no, I don’t have any books for ya!”
Josh: On the way there I explain that Beldrin is the justice of the peace. He’s a prick, but he’s fair. “Hopefully we don’t have to run into him…Qatana.”
Slash: “Ah, Dolgthrasir! I heard you were back in town. How are you doing?”
Matt: “Not too shabby.”
Josh: “Except for the whole ‘missing longspear’ thing.”
Patrick: “Namesake’s weapon gone…. Family’s been insulted.”
Josh: “But besides all that….”
Slash: “Maybe I shouldnae asked.”
Sara: “You’re the first person we thought we should talk to….”
Slash: I should make you roll Bluff for that. I’m going to make you roll Bluff.
Sara: [ rolls ]
Slash: Oh, well, that’s good enough. He’s not hard to bluff.
Slash: “No one seems to know what happened to the longspear. I’ve been working on that case for a while.”
Josh: “While you’re sitting on your ass!”
Slash: “I have other work to do! You may perhaps have heard of the problems we had recently? Accursed drow!”
Josh: “Oh, with the missing page?”
Patrick: “It’s not missing; he’s got it.”
Slash: “Aye, that’s the one.”
Matt: “That we just happened to hear about on the way here to talk to you first….”
Patrick: 14 Diplomacy.
Josh: Master dwarf….
Patrick: You have a fine flowing beard tucked into your pants.
Josh: Into his belt; not his pants. It’s a beard belt. It’s all the rage in Hammerfast.
Sara: “How about you call up Grumblemore?”
Josh: “Talk to this guy; he’ll vouch for us.”
Slash: Grundelmar appears in the orb. “Yes, Muckenfuss, what is it this—oh. Hi Beldrin, how are you?”
Patrick: I see your beard has grown.
Josh: Nice beard belt! Let’s make the DM talk to himself.
Slash: “If you go up to Stravalla’s tower and take care of her, then you’ll have proven yourself worthy to look at the page we have in evidence.”
Sara: “Meaning you don’t want us to look at it at all, since no one ever returns from there.”
Slash: “It’s a win-win situation for me.”
Josh: “Okay, let’s go kill the hag. I mean, bring her to justice.”
Sara: “He said ‘take care of her.’ Maybe we don’t need to kill her. Muckenfuss will open his robe…maybe she’s just lonely?”
Josh: “They’ll hit it off, and then we’ll be rid of Muckenfuss. It’s win-win-win.”
Josh: Do they have any Four Dwarf Ale? It’s filtered through four dwarves!
Matt: That’s what they call a micro-brew.
Slash: “I heard about the longspear gone missing. Big mystery. Doesn’t concern me at all, though. No offense.”
Matt: “Some taken.”
Encounter 2: Tower Approach
Slash: Oh, wait, I have two tokens I forgot to place.
Matt: Oh, wait, I believe it’s too late!
Josh: Initiative has been rolled.
Slash: You believe incorrectly!
Matt: They have to wait until round eight!
Matt: Oh, what I was about to do would’ve killed them all anyway.
Matt: Well, it does half damage on a miss.
Slash: A missed attack never damages a minion.
Josh: That’s true.
Matt: Who’s to argue?
Slash: It says it right on the statblock every time. “HP 1; a missed attack never damages a minion.”
Matt: Everybody feels a little better.
Slash: Everybody feels like they have to pee, since it’s a Healing Flood. It’s a flood of God!
[ A Google Voice voicemail transcription Slash received during the session included the (incorrect) phrase “flood of God” which was a source of great amusement during a break. ]
Slash: That guy’s going to charge Broknar as well. [ rolls ] That’ll be a hit.
Josh: Oh, Broknar’s down!
Josh: Oh wait, did that 20 include the resist 3?
Slash: No, it didn’t. So you get 3 back.
Josh: 12! w00t! Double-digits!
Slash: And then you take…
Slash: [ rolls ] You do! It’s 16, but you resist 3! That was impressive.
Josh: Thanks, Muckenfuss.
Slash: Loni, you’re about to take damage…and holding a cute cat will not save you.
Josh: Throw it at him!
Matt: It’s actually five more damage.
Slash: Oh, right. So it’s five to him, five to him, and five to…no, you missed the lasher.
Matt: Shoot, we almost got him!
Sara: Do we find the horse check note?
Patrick: 20 years old. It’s like the Duke Nukem receipt.
Encounter 3: Outside the Tower
Patrick: How tall is the tower?
Josh: Is it taller than Broknar?
Patrick: Ooo—wait, we don’t have Ghost Sound, do we?
Josh: You’re the mage! Do you have Ghost Sound?
Josh: Then we don’t.
Matt: Do you have a good basic attack?
Matt: I can make you go twice, then.
Patrick: …it’s every guy’s dream.
Matt: He looks behind over his shoulder and you hear in the distance the cry of an eagle….
Matt: And suddenly Muckenfuss feels like he has two claws jabbing into his head, which causes him to inadvertently fire off whatever his ranged basic attack is.
Slash: I swear ladies; this has never happened before!
Matt: Wow, we’re putting a huge dent…
Josh: …on Broknar!
Slash: He hits you for…13 damage.
Matt: Did he have more than 18?
Slash: What? Oh, vs. your AC? He got 30 vs AC.
Patrick: But thanks for asking!
Slash: [ as Patrick refills my drink ] Thank you, sir.
Patrick: A DM’s glass should never be empty.
Slash: [ rolling attacks ] Hit. Hit.
Patrick: Take another drink!
Josh: Loni gets 8 temporary hit points.
Patrick: Not me?
Josh: You’re not close enough, A, and B, HELL NO!
Patrick: Well, I don’t want to hit Loni, ‘cause she’s awesome, so….
Josh: Oh, I see how it is.
Matt: 11d7 damage.
Josh: He can’t do that! He can’t take a move action on the other guy’s turn.
Slash: I take a move action, then I ready an action to attack after the other guy moves.
Josh: Oh, all right.
Patrick: Let him go.
Matt: Leonard and Sheldon.
Josh: Stand next to Broknar. Shoot it toward the tower.
Slash: Then you’ll get a troll and a werewolf.
Josh: And none of your allies. I know that’s a strange concept to you.
Patrick: That’s why it didn’t come to my mind.
Patrick: [ as Matt contemplates his attack ] No claws. I draw the line at claws.
Josh: Muckenfuss ducks as a bird flies overhead.
Slash: Reminds me of Portal 2.
Matt: A deep, booming voice calls out some sort of battle cry, and [ rolls, pauses ]…. What am I attacking?
Patrick: I’m bloodied.
Josh: [ mockingly ] Awwww. Suck it up, buttercup.
Slash: He’s going to respond in kind.
Matt: Oh, he’s going to miss, too!
Matt: And then, you feel eagle claws….
Patrick: You’re going to violate my mind again? Only I do that!
Josh: He learned it from watching you, Dad!
Matt: At this point, I assume there is nothing on the other side of the tower.
Josh: I’m hoping there’s nothing inside the tower.
Josh: Roll high.
Patrick: Roll high.
Patrick: 16 damage.
Slash: 16 damage? He had 16 hit points.
Slash: All right, Dolg.
Patrick: …why are you looking at me?
All: Caw! Caw!
Matt: Wait, what did you roll?
Patrick: 8+11, 19.
Matt: Don’t you get that +4?
Patrick: I was saving that for me!
Slash: It’s still your attack!
Patrick: But it feels wrong!
Slash: What does the feat say?
Patrick: You gain an item bonus to your next attack roll before the end of your next turn.
Slash: That was your next attack roll.
Patrick: …damn it!
Matt: Okay, that was pre-action point. [ using his action point, looks to Patrick ] Caw caw!
Patrick: I see how it is. It’s the brothers against me.
Josh: What do you mean, against you? You’ve been beating me up the whole time!
Encounter 4: Inside the Tower
Slash: Flattering Wind!
Josh: Broknar holds his nose.
Patrick: On a 20-sided die.
Slash: I am adding something to that.
Josh: It was an 18!
Patrick: It was.
Josh: Until you looked at it!
Slash: [ providing strategy ideas for Arquera ] If you step in front of….
Patrick: [ gasps in shock ]
Slash: 17 fire and radiant damage. You resist radiant but you don’t resist fire, so you take all 17.
Slash: Just clarifying, because I knew it would come up.
Patrick: I accept your premise.
Matt: I’m going to hit you; which kind of hit do you want?
Patrick: Do you want the claws?
Slash: I can choose where the claws go in, you know.
Matt: There’s no real value in shifting here, so…caw caw!
Patrick: Prepare to meet the Raven Queen!
Matt: Caw caw!
Josh: Does she fall prone right away, or at the end of her move?
Slash: [ checking the power ] At the end of its moon. Moon?
Matt: Is that what it’s doing when it’s invisible? Mooning us?
Patrick: Drink more!
Patrick: Crit! That’s two crits!
Slash: Well, one was free! [ Ed. He used a birthday crit this session ]
Patrick: That doesn’t matter! I deserved it!
Slash: By being born?!?
Josh: Your mom should get a birthday crit.
Encounter 5: Stravalla
Slash: You see the old hag Stravalla. Withered and weak, she barely lifts her eyes to look at you as you enter.
Robyn: Yeah, right!
Patrick: We spread out across the floor.
Patrick: I am trained in Diplomacy.
Matt: Do something diploma.
Patrick: “You see how we defeated your minions and your two levels of trolls….” [ rolls a crit miss ]
Slash: …so zubba-dee-zubba-dee-zoo!
Patrick: As an alternative, I open my robe.
Josh: She’s clearly unimpressed. She opens her robe, and we all leave.
Patrick: “Is that English you’re speaking? I offer free Geritol.”
Matt: “What are you talking about?”
Josh: “See, it’s not just me!”
Slash: She stands up and seems to gather a bunch of strength, as you might expect.
Josh: Does she turn into Mumm-Ra?
Slash: Ancient spirits of evil, transform this decayed form into Stravalla, the Ever-Living!
Slash: [ adding an effect to the combat manager ] No teleporto!
Patrick: I have reached the alcohol limit of the DM.
Matt: He’s gone Spanish!
Josh: Is that better or worse than plaid?
Slash: You take 14 lightning damage.
Matt: I happen to be immune to 14 lightning damage.
Slash: Specifically. 13 would’ve worked.
Matt: It doesn’t matter what you do. You’re going to roll a 1 anyway.
Joan: [ rolls well ]
Matt: It worked! Reverse psychology on the dice!
Joan: Yeah, you’re not taking credit for that.
[ after Stravalla falls prone on her tilting floor trap ]
Patrick: Muckenfuss says, “Maybe you should turn that off.”
Slash: You could switch to your kukri and charge.
Patrick: It’s awesome in my head.
Slash: With the floor tilted, you’re running at an angle, almost on the wall. It would look very action-hero.
Josh: I’m sure you won’t regret this later.
Matt: When you’re rolling up your new character.
Josh: 44 damage.
Patrick: That’s it?
Josh: Not bad for the tank!
Patrick: I will disable the floor as a standard action. 18.
Slash: You feel like you’ve had an effect, but you don’t think you’ve disabled it.
Patrick: Can I use a minor action in my turn to roll…an assist…for my earlier roll?
Slash: She’s pretty pissed off…
Josh: I can’t imagine why!
Slash: So she’s going to spend an action point and charge Broknar.
Josh: She’s going to hit me with a stick?
Slash: “You will make a good replacement for the eladrin paladin you slayed earlier.”
Josh: At least she didn’t say troll.
Slash: “I shall use the blue one to replace one of my trolls.”
Josh: “Ha ha!”
Patrick: I minor to fix the floor. 20! I crossed a threshold. 20!
Josh: That didn’t work before.
Patrick: Memory of a Thousand Lifetimes! 1!
Josh: Worst mage ever. “Did you study at all, Muckenfuss? Can you read Muckenfuss?”
Slash: Mucking with the floor at all?
Joan: Why not? Never hurts. 20! Oh no, that’s not right. That was 30, I was looking at it wrong. 16 and 14.
Slash: 30 Arcana as a minor action…yes! You have disabled—the magic is dispelled. No more floor. You fall through to the Abyss. Congratulations!
Josh: “See Muckenfuss? That’s how you do it!” I say as I’m lying on my back.
Patrick: And she’s out of action points. Fourth wall.
Josh: “What are you talking about, Muckenfuss?”
Sara: “It’s a round room; there’s no wall!”
Slash: You find 6 gold-plated gold circlets…. That’s how it is in here, but that doesn’t make any sense.
Encounter 6: Goliath Village
Slash: As the illusions fade….
Matt: [ opens a bottle with a loud pop ]
Slash: That’s a good pop.
Josh: That’s the sound of the illusions fading.
Slash: I presume then, with head in tow—not head and toe….
Slash: You notice that because of all the shaking it did when you were fighting Stravalla, the tower looks like it could collapses at the slightest provocation.
Josh: “Go ahead, Muckenfuss.”
Patrick: I provoke it.
Slash: There is a loud crack of thunder and the tower collapses.
Josh: We don’t look back as it collapses, either.
Slash: It collapses behind you as you walk away in slow motion.
Patrick: “I think the magistrate should copy the page for us.”
Josh: “Don’t you have scribes?”
Matt: “Don’t you have a photo scribe in the back?”
Josh: “Xerox, I think his name is.”
Robyn: Can we make some fake copies in case we come across her?
Matt: “I’m dyslexic; let me try to copy it!”
Robyn: “We’re going to go check out our horse.”
Josh: “Yeah, you guys do the hot princess thing.”
Patrick: “I was going to rest first; I’m going to need it.”
Slash: Arcane light begins to swirl around the mare’s feet. To your surprise, the light swirls around the pony’s feet as well.
Josh: They merge into a horse-pony!
Matt: “So…are you still going to carry our gear for us?”
Slash: [ as Ruud, restored to a prince ] “I don’t recall ever having done that, actually.”
Patrick: Muckenfuss turns to the stable master and says, “What kind of stable are you running here?”
Sara: “So, we pay when we take our pony out, right? And we’re not taking a pony out, so….”
Slash: He’s so taken aback he doesn’t question your logic.
Slash: 50 XP each for completing a minor quest.
Patrick: And deep disappointment.
Slash: Poor Muckenfuss.
[ after discussing the page with Farras Stonescript ]
Patrick: I retrieve the orb from my pocket, shake it, “Grundelmar, wake up! Take a look at this! It’s about the second seal.”
Josh: “You’re supposed to be some kind of expert.”
Slash: “I can’t read that tongue. You should talk to Farras Stonescript.”
Patrick: “We just talked to him!”
Josh: “This whole friggin’ town is useless!”
Slash: You go to bed.
Josh: “Make a new scroll and read it to every horse you come across.”
Patrick: “Or I could just walk around town whinnying.”
Slash: Early in the morning, you are rudely awakened….
Josh: "Ruud"ly awakened.
Matt: Ruud again.
Patrick: I hate that horse.
Josh: I thought we were rid of you!
Joan: Did we ever get rid of my Moon Frenzy?
Slash: Oh yeah. If you want Dolgthrasir to tend to you through the night, he can make a Heal check. Otherwise it’s just your Endurance check.
Matt: “I’m reaching up as far as my hands can go!”
Josh: “These feel okay!”
Sara: “Those are her kneecaps.”
Joan: 26 Endurance.
Slash: You shake off the effects of Moon Frenzy.
Patrick: And Dolgthrasir.
Slash: They can hit you from 2 squares away.
Josh: Do they have Threatening Reach?
Matt: Where do you come up with this stuff? We’ve been playing this for 2 years now and I’ve never heard of threatening reach!
Slash: These are the SOBs that leveled this town in the first place!
Matt: I’m surprised they’re still there.
Josh: They’ve been so bored for the past 10 years.
Slash: “It’d be so nice if someone would come by so we could beat ’em up.”
Patrick: Should I dazzle them with Hand of Fate?
Matt: What are you going to do? A card trick?
Patrick: They’re dimwitted!
Matt: Look, a quarter from behind your ear!
Slash: [ after hitting with a brutal attack ] These are d10s.
Josh: And there’s three of them.
Slash: There’s three of them. [ rolls, adds ] 19. Plus… [ rolls them again ]
Josh: Are you kidding me? Broknar’s dead.
Slash: 55 damage.
Patrick: Are you kidding?
Josh: I’m still up! I’m a foot shorter, but I’m still up!
Slash: I have you at three HP.
Josh: I am at three. I’ll aim my next shot at his crotch.
Slash: You get the impression that he’s not acting of his own volition. There’s something about them that’s not quite right.
Josh: How can I tell compared to a regular giant?
Slash: …it’s subtle.
Sara: I’ll do a disruptive strike.
Sara: He takes a penalty to his attack roll….
Slash: Don’t worry about it; he missed.
Josh: He rolled a two! Dice auditing: engaged.
Slash: Is 3 HP the threshold for that?
Slash: He’s going to attack Loni. 20 damage.
Josh: Pfffft. Only 20?
Slash: And Muckenfuss takes six.
Josh: Pfffft. Six?
Josh: Remember, red is “stop” and a little bit of red is “very stop.”
Matt: [ reading Healing Spirit ] Close burst 5….
Josh: Pick me!
Patrick: I’m down six.
Josh: Shut up!
Slash: Broknar is unconscious.
Patrick: It’s pretty early in the day for that.
Slash: It’s very early. It’s like 7:30am.
Robyn: I assume you can’t flank now?
Josh: You cannot flank with my corpse; correct.
Slash: What, the giant’s going to go, “I have to pay attention to both this elf and this dead guy”?
Patrick: 17 [ Arcana to break a giant free of control ].
Slash: That’s not enough, sorry.
Patrick: Okay. Avenging Light. I gave you a chance.
Slash: Muckenfuss just sort of shrugs.
Patrick: Memory of a Thousand Lifetimes. 1.
Josh: Broknar mumbles in his sleep, “Damn it, Muckenfuss….”
Sara: Arquera will trot over here, switch to her swords….
Slash: Should I just knock everybody prone in shock?
Josh: I’m glad I’m already laying down.
Robyn: Broknar’s like, “How bloodied am I? That looks like Arquera.”
Josh: “Things must really be going to Hells.”
Sara: “Is she the only one left?”
Slash: You’re grinding your heel into him….
Josh: It might not be my heel….
Slash: “Wait! Me remember! One of them! But dark!”
Patrick: Muckenfuss shakes the orb to wake Grundelmar.
Matt: He’s like, “You! Wake me!”
Slash: “Dark elf say, ‘Seal buried under village.’”
Matt: “Is it?”
Slash: “Me think so. Big hole, right over there!”
Slash: The Grandmothers say that you have done well to listen and not destroy all the giants.
Josh: My heart grew three sizes that day.
Encounter 7: Entrance
Patrick: Muckenfuss performs Corpse Light. [ to Loni ] What are you wearing?
Patrick: I can put it on anything.
Josh: Her headlights are on, let’s go!
Slash: There’s now a green aura around you, I guess.
Matt: Are you red or blue at the moment? Because this could be very Christmas-y.
Slash: She normally defaults to red.
Matt: “Oh Loni tree, oh Loni tree….”
Josh: “Let me touch your branches!”
Slash: Acrobatics or Athletics to get across the rope. Or if you can justify another skill, feel free.
Slash: If you can justify it…maybe you pray really hard?
Patrick: I convert the rope.
Slash: Do you really want to convert the rope on which you are relying to cross safely to a deity who is basically the embodiment of death?
[ regarding a hook horror ]
Slash: He misses. And he failed his save against your ongoing damage.
Patrick: Yeah! Suck it, Hook!
Slash: Damn that Peter Pan!
Patrick: Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Patrick: 16 vs. Reflex.
Patrick: Dude, why you tryin’ to make me feel like that?
Most of the party is deafened. Josh begins doing hand signals.
Josh: Steal third!
Slash: Dolgthrasir, you’re up.
Matt: [ glances at Patrick, who has gotten up to get some pizza ]
Josh: Any time now….
Patrick: [ turns back to the table ]
Patrick: Oh no! I thought we’d moved beyond this!
Matt: You feel claws digging into your brain, and you’re compelled to do a ranged attack.
Patrick: Any particular target, master? [ rolls ] 17.
Matt: The claws dig deeper…and then release.
Encounter 8: Northern Chamber
Josh: Just scream real loud when you find something. “Ca-caw!”
Sara: Like a cave bird.
Slash: You seem to have stumbled upon a scouting party of some sort.
Patrick: They’re here for the convention.
Slash: There is something dreadfully wrong with the defenses for some of these guys.
Josh: They’re super-low?
Slash: They’re ridiculously high. They’re…12 points higher than they should be. I’m looking at this and going “32 does not seem reachable.”
A power has inflicted the status “slowed and cannot shift” on a monster.
Sara: At first glance I thought “shift” was something else.
Slash: That’s a weird power you have.
Josh: Burst of Earth’s Constipation!
Patrick: [ as Matt contemplates Claws of the Eagle ] Where shall I point my rod, master?
Matt: Ooookaaaay…we’ll go with the elf this time.
Patrick: Attack the elf, aye aye!
Slash: Matt’s weirded out by how much Muckenfuss is liking it now.
Sara: Maybe they’ll dig their way out. They are dwarves.
Josh: Diggy diggy hole!
Slash: Qatana, do you want—oh, you don’t have your melee weapon up, do you?
Robyn: Can I do an unarmed melee attack?
Slash: Sure, you can clothesline him.
Robyn: 18, plus 3, 21.
Slash: You do clothesline him!
Slash: He pulls up short.
Patrick: Dwarf joke.
Encounter 9: Dark Pool
Josh: Do we hear anything?
Slash: You hear this: [ plays a sound bite of water flowing ]
Josh: Broknar has to pee.
Patrick: Could we throw a duergar corpse in? It’d probably come back.
Slash: When they die, they explode, and everyone adjacent to them takes 4d6 necrotic damage.
Slash: 4 d 6.
Josh: 46 is almost as much as 55. Broknar’s got this.
Robyn: Does that count as a crit since she’s next to Ze’ev?
Slash: Oh, it does. So he dies, cause he’s a zombie. That’s like 76 damage.
Encounter 10: ’Shrooms
Slash: You see several patches of colorful mushrooms.
Josh: We put them together and smoke them!
Matt: Crit nature check! “I know me mushrooms!” If there’s anything that knows anything about seeing things, it’s a dwarf with mushrooms.
Slash: She says, “You surface-dwellers aren’t welcome here!”
Josh: In Mot’s voice.
Patrick: “What? I’m back.”
Slash: Loni takes 29 damage, and Dolg takes 12 damage.
Matt: What? Why?
Slash: He hit her so hard she slammed into you.
Josh: Her booty hit you right in the face.
Slash: So it’s a good 12 damage.
Matt: I’m bloodied. From her booty.
After the encounter is over, people are taking turns rolling in the healing mushrooms.
Slash: Roll a d6.
Slash: You regain 4 hit points.
Matt: And then I spend an action point. I mean, er—
Encounter 11: Firepits
Patrick: Is anything pulsing red?
Slash: No. Except maybe Loni.
Patrick: I’ll check the other door. [ rolls poorly ]
Matt: I’ll check the other door. [ rolls almost as badly ]
Joan: Would you like me to try?
Josh: I put Dolg on the pedestal.
Slash: “I have an idea; let’s try this!”
Matt: No, I thought he just meant he’s always had Dolg on a pedestal.
Josh: Figuratively and now literally.
Slash: You can fit up to four people on the pedestal.
Josh: Well, we’re not going to ask the ladies their weight, so….
Slash: Just the guys on the pedestal, then?
Josh: Well, and Muckenfuss, who barely qualifies.
Patrick: [ agreeing ] I’m a mage.
Slash: There’s a crumpled note on the floor.
Joan: Should I go read it?
Sara: Maybe you can read it without picking it up?
Josh: “I prepared explosive runes today.”
Joan: I proceed with caution because of Indiana Jones movies.
Sara: That Muckenfuss told her about.
Slash: There are books about dwarven necromancy.
Sara: I don’t read dwarven well, so I think it’s necrophilia. “These are some kind of dwarf death porn!”
Josh: What’s that? I put Dolg on top of it to test. It worked well before!
Patrick: I’m going to Nature them to see what they are.
Josh: Is it Nature?
Slash: It’s not. It’s Arcana.
Patrick: Well, I’ll try it anyway. 27 Arcana!
Josh Yay, Muckenfuss!
Josh: Oh, I missed. Can I get a +1?
Slash: Sure. You still miss.
Slash: Impressive! Roll your save against ongoing fire damage.
Matt: His new dice only have 1s and 20s on them.
Slash: 19 20s and a 1.
Slash: d6+7. haha, d7+6.
Patrick: The nefarious d7.
Matt: Echoing through the hallway: [ plays from his iPod ] “Wings of Justice! Ca-caw!”
Encounter 12: Shivra
Patrick: [ reacting to a new map ] It’s the cocoon of life!
Josh: A uterus?
Matt: Perception to find switches or whatever.
Slash: You find some of the plumbing.
Josh: The uterus’s plumbing?
Josh: What kind of check would it be to mess around with the plumber—I mean….
Matt: Don’t mess around with the plumber, just the plumbing!
Slash: Any skill you can justify.
Josh: He did say “justify.”
Matt: Religious Acrobatics!
Slash: Are you filling another bottle? [ rolling percentile ]
Josh: Potion of Face Melting!
Slash: The symbol on the floor is flickering as it loses power.
Josh: That’s not cool. I yell, “That’s not cool.”
Patrick: I ride the drow.
Josh: I’m going to use my daily, and if it misses, I’m using my birthday crit.
Slash: [ plays Don’t Blow the Daily by Paul and Storm ]
Josh: You’re ruining my mojo. [ rolls a crit hit ]
Josh: Play it!
Slash: [ plays Critical Hit by Paul and Storm ]
Patrick: Did she hit me?
Slash: Yes. All attacks against you have combat advantage until the end of her next turn.
Josh: I charge Muckenfuss.
Slash: You find a cloak with a symbol of the Raven Queen.
Patrick: “Does anybody else worship the Raven Queen?”
Sara: “I do.”
Matt: “I can start!”
Encounter 13: Aspect of Dagon
Slash: As you return home from your adventure, you see a young boy weeping alongside the path.
Patrick: “Suck it up!”
An Aspect of Dagon appears….
Patrick: Metagaming…should we even bother trying??!
Sara: Biting Volley.
Robyn: Hunter’s…stuff, right?
Sara: Yeah, Hunter’s Quarry.
Josh: Hunter’s stuff!
Patrick: [ reacting as the aspect takes the first damage of the encounter ] The bar moved like 1 pixel!
Joan: [ after being informed all the gold disappeared ] I’m glad I paid off my debt to Muckenfuss first!